More Than Just A Beautiful Mess

Desperation 1

January 2008

There is a change going on in my life. A good change. I can feel it in my heart. I can feel it in my mind. I can't explain it; I can't put my finger on it, but it is happening. It's from a combination of thanksgiving in prayer, and work in my heart from the Holy Spirit, along with a couple of other things.

I will turn 40 in February and I have promised myself that this change going on within my soul will be celebrated along with a milestone birthday. Oh, we think we have it all figured out at 20--or 30. I won't have it all figured out at 40 and I'm pretty sure 50, 60, 70, 80 and 90-something will all come along and there will still be things to ponder.

I was lying in bed this morning when I was awakend by a song on the radio. Half asleep, yet half awake I was coherent enough to light upon the words "a beautiful mess."

This phrase immediately struck me. "That's me!", I thought. "I am a beautiful mess! I had to get up and google the song's lyrics. I had to see the rest of the song~the part I missed in my semi-slumber.

Ah...A comfort to my soul. Sweet words whispered upon my heart. A theme for my life from this point on. While I (many times) think I am just a mess my Heavenly Father calls me His beautiful mess and He is continually working in my heart to transform me into what He knows He wants for me.

I’m the one with two left feet
Standing on a lonely street
I can’t even walk a straight line
And every time you look at me
I’m spinning like an autumn leaf
Bound to hit bottom sometime

Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open

All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again

Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
I’m the one with big mistakes
Big regrets and bigger breaks
Than I ever care to confess

Oh but, You’re the one who looks at me
And sees what I was meant to be
More than just a beautiful mess
Where would I be without someone to save me
Someone who won’t let me fall

You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open

All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again

Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
You’re everything good in my life
Everything honest and true

And all of those stars hanging up in the sky
Could never shine brighter than You
You are everything that I live for
Everything that I can’t believe is happening
You’re standing right in front of me
With arms wide open

All I know is
Every day is filled with hope
You are everything that I believe for
And I can’t help but breathe you in
Breathe again

Feeling all this life within
Every single beat of my heart
You areYou are Jesus,
You areYou are everything.

This song was recorded by Matthew West. I had heard it a few times before this morning; however, for whatever reason, today is the day I heard the words as if my own heart was singing the song.

It is my prayer that this journal will minister to your heart. I know I am not alone. There are a kabillion and one things society has told us we are doing wrong. There are many areas in my life I need God's help with. I am going to let Him do the choosing of what I need to change. I admit it: I am a mess...but I'm God's beautiful mess and with His help I will become all that He wants me to be.

More Than Just A Beautiful Mess

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

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