The Sun Shining Down on Me

I've been in that desert place for so long. It seems like forever. I do remember some time before I began that walk though. I finally feel the sun shining down on me. A few years ago I began the journey in the desert--there are only one set of footprints.

In my head I know I am forgiven. The Bible tells me so. My minister tells me so. My mom and dad tell me so. My husband tells me so. But my heart doesn't. Or didn't. Until yesterday at church.

I have had a very busy week: homeschool lessons, homeschool moms' meeting, housework (sort of), homeschool group day, waitressing--did I mention we had served over 100 Valentine dinner specials at the restaurant? Talk about being bone dead tired come Sunday morning. Sheesh.

I woke up refreshed and we got ready for church without the weekly dash of discouragment the devil usually doses out. I walked into the church, heard the music and suddenly I felt alive again. Not just awake. ALIVE! Humming--"my Savior lives, my Savior lives..." I walked down the aisle (we were a tad late so all the "good seats in the back" were taken LOL) I made my way up to a pew in the front of the santuary. We greet and welcome one another. (Why do church leaders insist on this? It's the dead of winter, shaking hands with a multitude of people and then later taking communion just doesn't make sense, but I digress.)

Then that song begins. It's the one that has brought me to tears over and over the last few years. My aching heart broke each time our congregation sang that song. Sadness and defeat enveloped me. I wondered if I would ever sing that song with the joy intended by the writer.

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
I used to sing this song wondering where the plentiful land and abundant streams were.

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
I found myself in the desert, walking through the wilderness of my actions and sins and I was there for so very long. Days continued to mark the time and I was moving forward each day...it's just that the desert sand went on forever ahead of me.


Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
In my head, I knew to keep praising Him. There was a reason for this journey. From studying God's word, I know to just keep praising Him and thanking Him. But my heart was another matter.

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Finally! My heart gave way! VICTORY! Victory over the battle!

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Finally! I felt the sOn shining down on me. I know faith is NOT about the feelings-it's about what you know in your mind about God...BUT, this was such a different "feeling"--I'm not sure "feeling" is the right word but the scar tissue on my heart was now fading.

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
I couldn't get through these words. That's when the tears just rolled down my cheeks. The lump in my throat was the size of the cross on the wall in front of the church. The road marked with suffering was behind me. The pain in what I had to offer my Lord was gone. My songs were now offered with something different.

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
I know in this world there will be more troubles caused by my actions or the actions of others. We are sinners. That is a fact. However, I have made it through this time in the desert and the next time darkness closes in on me, I will know it will fade eventually and the sOn will shine on me again. I will once again be carried by Jesus through the desert.

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
He gives His love. He gives His life. He gives His heart. He gives His blessings.
He takes away the hate. He takes away the death. He takes away the sadness. He takes away bane. BUT--and it is a big but--It is all in His perfect timing. And that is the hardest part.


I lifted my hands in honor of my Lord. (My kids think this is weird but I cannot help it--it's like my heart was commanding my arms.) I lifted my face to feel that sOnshine. It dried the tears.